Feeling Stuck? 3 Gentle Ways to Start Making a Change

For this first “Change is Possible” blog post, let’s begin by asking how someone starts to make a change in their life.

I’m reminded of a client I’ll call James, who was socially anxious and struggling to get back into the dating world after a difficult divorce. He told me it felt overwhelming even to imagine starting over—like he didn’t know where to begin or whether he even wanted to. Building new relationships felt out of reach, but staying isolated didn’t feel good either.

Everyone’s situation is different, but we’ve all felt like James—knowing something needs to shift, but feeling completely stuck. Maybe we’re scared. Perhaps we don’t have the energy. Maybe life shifted on us unexpectedly, and we haven’t caught up yet.

You’re not alone in this. The good news is, you don’t need to overhaul everything overnight. You just need a place to start—one small step at a time.

Here are three gentle strategies that can help you begin.

1. Visualize the outcome

Before you think about how to get there, pause and imagine what life will feel like after the change has taken root. Close your eyes. Picture yourself on the other side. What does your body feel like? Maybe there’s a smile on your face. Maybe your shoulders are more relaxed. Is your breathing steadier?

Now, could you tune into your emotions? You might notice a flicker of contentment, joy, or hope. Let those feelings sink in. These positive emotions aren’t just pleasant—they can give you a gentle boost to take that first step forward.

For James, this meant picturing what it would feel like to feel comfortable in his own skin again—and maybe reconnect with a few friends. He didn’t have to imagine dating or marriage yet. Just a sense of connection was enough to get started.

2. Talk to yourself like your own best friend

Fear often comes with an avalanche of harsh self-talk: “You can’t do this,” “You’ll fail,” “You should’ve figured this out by now.” That kind of thinking can keep you frozen.

Try pausing when those thoughts show up, and ask yourself: What would I say to a friend in this situation? Maybe it’s something like, “You’re doing your best,” or “Just try—you don’t have to have it all figured out.” For example, James told himself, “I’ll be okay. I can build relationships one conversation at a time.”

Now turn that same kindness toward yourself. You deserve the same support you’d offer someone you care about. Encouraging self-talk can soften fear and help you feel safer taking the next step.

3. Start as small as possible

Ask yourself: What’s the tiniest thing I could do today that moves me closer to where I want to be? Then do that small thing—something you can complete in five minutes or less.

James began by asking someone a question at a local coffee shop.

When you’re done, take a moment to notice how it feels. Even small wins can create momentum. Savor it. Let it soak in. That sense of progress, no matter how small, makes it easier to choose the next small step tomorrow.

Just like caterpillars don’t become butterflies overnight, humans also take time to change and grow. The hardest part is often just getting started. These three steps can help you begin. James’s coffee shop questions turned into conversations, friendships, and eventually even dating again.

Some days will feel easier than others—and that’s okay. What matters is that you keep showing up for yourself, one step at a time. Like James, change might begin with just one question or one tiny act of courage. It doesn't have to be big to be meaningful.

You’ve got this.

References:

Neff, K. (2015). Self-compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself. William Morrow.

Nezu, A. M., & Nezu, C. M. (2019). Emotion-centered problem-solving therapy: Treatment guidelines. Springer.