When Fear Shrinks, Life Expands: One Woman’s Journey with Virtual Reality Exposure Therapy

Looking back, Amelia couldn’t pinpoint when her fear of heights began. Like many people with specific phobias, she had become very skilled at quietly arranging her life around her fears. Over the years, she found creative ways to avoid high places: knowing exactly how to walk home from work without riding an escalator or walking over a bridge, and moving from floor to floor through mall department store elevators without ever taking an escalator. When she couldn’t avoid high places, she relied on her husband for support—for example, asking him to drive when the route included a bridge.

Then, one day, she received wonderful news: she was going to be a grandmother. Her daughter, who was expecting a baby, lived two states away, and Amelia would need to cross several bridges to get there. The thought of missing out on those first snuggles and milestones was simply too painful. Instead, she pictured herself holding her grandbaby, breathing in that new-baby smell, and knew she had to find a way. 

Cognitive behavioral therapy for fear of heights.

If you’ve ever felt unsure about where to start, you’re not alone. Amelia felt the same way when she contacted her primary care doctor, who then referred her to me for cognitive behavioral therapy targeting her fear of heights. We began with a single assessment session to pinpoint her diagnosis and set clear goals. Together, we uncovered that her experiences matched a common and highly treatable condition called acrophobia, or fear of heights. She experienced intense fear when in high places and went out of her way to avoid them, with her fear far exceeding the actual danger. Until now, Amelia’s fear hadn’t affected her life because she could avoid high places, but it was now interfering with her growing family — and it was time for a change.

Amelia’s most important goal was to drive over bridges on her own, feeling calm and confident, so she could visit her daughter and meet her new grandchild. She was also tired of letting fear quietly shape her life. She wanted the freedom to take an escalator when it was the easiest way to get around and to say yes to outings with friends and family without asking everyone to change their plans because there was an overlook on a hike or a restaurant on a high floor with big windows. More than anything, she wanted to feel like her world was opening up again, filled with possibility and excitement, rather than shrinking because of fear.

I explained exposure therapy for anxiety to Amelia, and we worked together to design a plan that felt both challenging and achievable, while also fostering a sense of hope. Our plan was guided by exposure therapy, a type of cognitive behavioral therapy that emphasizes building skills and confidence while facing one’s fears (Abramowitz, Deacon, & Whiteside, 2019). In exposure therapy for anxiety, people practice being in situations that make them feel afraid, learning to understand and tolerate the sensation of fear, which often leads to a sense of empowerment and growth.

With consistent practice and support from their therapist, individuals learn to reconsider their thoughts about feared situations. For instance, they realize that a racing heart and sweaty palms indicate they are experiencing an emotion, not that they will lose control. They also understand it’s okay to acknowledge their feelings instead of avoiding them. After repeatedly facing their fears in various scenarios, they often find that the situation isn't as frightening as they initially believed—such as discovering that becoming unsteady on an escalator is unlikely to cause them to jump over the railing—and they usually manage these situations with growing ease and resilience, like not actually breaking into tears on an escalator, even if it initially feels overwhelming.

How virtual reality exposure therapy helps.

Virtual reality (VR) proved to be a helpful tool for Amelia to confront her fears. Using specialized software and a VR headset in my office, she immersed herself in a series of vivid VR scenarios—riding escalators, exploring skyscraper balconies, riding glass elevators, and crossing bridges. These experiences felt incredibly real to her, as if she were truly there, with me right beside her to pause, encourage, or adjust as needed, creating a sense of trust and safety every step of the way.

Amelia brought a lot of courage and determination. After about five sessions, she grew confident enough to try out her new skills in real situations. Between our weekly meetings, she practiced taking escalators during her walk home from work and walking and driving over bridges. Week after week, she gained not only skills but also a sense of pride and confidence in facing her fears. Over time, these situations started to feel less scary and more manageable.

Toward the end of therapy, Amelia and her husband celebrated their anniversary with a dinner at a beautiful restaurant on the top floor of the tallest city building. Amelia appreciated the view and treasured the special night with her husband. As they clinked glasses and the city lights shimmered below, she felt no fear of the height—only happiness in the moment with her husband.

By the end of therapy, Amelia felt confident that she could drive over any bridge with ease. She wasn’t just less fearful; she was proud of herself. She was eager and excited for the phone call from her daughter, who would soon share the wonderful news that the baby was on the way. She could now visualize herself driving over that bridge, her heart full of love and ready to wrap her arms around her daughter and her new grandbaby.

It’s about moving toward what truly matters.

As illustrated in Amelia’s story, exposure therapy is a caring and structured approach to facing your fears rather than avoiding them, and VR can be a wonderfully helpful tool in that journey. More importantly, exposure therapy isn’t just about confronting fear for its own sake—it’s about supporting you in moving toward what truly matters in your life: spending quality time with loved ones, traveling, exploring, and trying new things. VR exposure therapy can assist people with many different fears, including heights, confined spaces, flying, driving, and social situations, empowering them to feel more free and confident to live the lives they desire.

If any part of Amelia’s story resonates with you, I want you to know that change is possible, and you don’t have to go through it alone. If you’re curious about exposure therapy—or VR exposure therapy in particular—I’d be happy to talk with you and answer any questions. Reaching out is a brave first step, and I would be honored to support you in taking it.

Reference

Abramowitz, J. S., Deacon, B. J., & Whiteside, S. P. H. (2019). Exposure therapy for anxiety: Principles and practice (2nd ed.). The Guilford Press.

Photo Credit

Photo by RDNE Stock project: https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-woman-carrying-a-baby-5847713/